Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Boat That Sucked

1.      You see a crowd of beautiful people. They seem bright, happy, healthy and wealthy. You want to be one of them, you want to be like them and liked by them. You wonder how to achieve that fine but lofty goal. Make a L1 SR on INT and a L20 SR on LoS (Lack of Scruples) and then go to 2.
2.      As you go closer you see that they are lined up in two queues – one is heading to the mighty oak twin doors of a library; the other is wending its way to an art gallery. Which queue would you like to join? If you want to take a look at literature go to 3, if you would like to feast your eyes on sumptuous art go to 4.
3.      Do you really want to queue up like everyone else? It might take a long time…Anyway, you’re special – rules are for lesser mortals. Would you like to queue jump and push in? Of course you would! Make a L12 SR on LoC (Lack of Consideration) – go 5.
4.      Do you really want to queue up like everyone else? It might take a long time…Anyway, you’re special – rules are for lesser mortals. Would you like to queue jump and push in? Of course you would! Make a L1 SR on DEX (you are, of course, able to adjust the dice rolls should you need to) – go 9.
5.      The library is filled with wonderful works of wit and imagination, rich in fantasy, fact filled yet fanciful. Oh to be able to write like that! You can see why people would pay good money for such treasures…The candles that must have been burnt by the authors, the sweat that their brows must have shed. You reach for your wallet but something stops you (not your conscience as you outgrew that some time ago)…go to 6.
6.      It occurs to you that you would save time and money if you didn’t have to travel to this library: much better that it be in your home town (and the admission money you would charge wouldn’t go amiss…go to 7 (no saving roll required because you get special re-rolls, don’t you?),
7.      You decide to break into the library at midnight and steal all the best books – well not really steal, more like give them the better home they deserve…make a L1 SR on any attribute you like and go to 8.
8.      As luck would have it (some people are born lucky, some just deserve it and you are sure to fit in to one of these categories) the guards are all asleep with earplugs in – take as many tomes as you like – you have the strength of Samson tonight. If you haven’t yet been to the gallery, you take the books home and go back the next day – go to 9; if you have already been there go to 14.
9.      The gallery is a sight for sore eyes, so many fine works by today’s great masters. Some accept commissions – that would be worthwhile so that you could win friends and influence people…but wait a minute, why not copy them yourself (that must surely be why they sell prints) – go to 10.
10.   You stand in line to buy prints of all that takes your fancy (and so much does) when the lady in front faints and monopolises (how selfish!) the assistant’s attention...maybe it would be ok to borrow the prints you want…after all you will bring them back and it’s not like stealing the original…go home to 11 unless you have not yet been to the library in which case go to 5.
11.   Your barn would make a perfect gallery so you set to work copying the prints – fiddly and time consuming so you hire some youngsters to do it for you. You are happy to pay them what they deserve but then you think again – you really are providing them with a valuable education here so they really owe you…go to 12.
12.   People come to see the art treasures. How they love them! You too J. Go to 13.
13.   After a while, a woman turns up and asks you why you have a copy of her artwork? You say you paid for it but she remains unhappy and says you owe her money…you counter by saying that her so-called original in the other gallery is a fake, She argues…and argues…and so do her friends but you are not easily swayed. You tell her to get lost. As you do to all the other artists that complain (and strangely many do). Go to 16 unless you have not yet taken your books home – go to 14.
14.   Your living room is large and makes a wonderful showroom for the great writings you have given protection to. You are pleased that people can come to you to appreciate the finer things in life. Go to 15.
15.   One day you get a letter from an author demanding his work back. It goes straight into the trash, of course. Then a letter arrives threatening legal action – that goes the same way. Same happens with more of these writers. Were these people born yesterday? You just know they won’t be able to afford a decent lawyer (neither can you so you by a suit and pretend to be one!). Soon enough, the letters stop. Go to 16 unless you have not yet taken your prints home – go to 11.
16.   It is a year down the track and you have many fine exhibits (copies) and a library to be envied by any educated person. But, still, you have few friends – these treasures just do not attract towards you the human warmth and care you so want. Not only have they failed to bring admiration or friendship, your bank account is bare! Those paying admission these days don’t even cover the security costs for keeping your precious stocks away from those who would do you down. With a heavy heart but head held high go to 17.
17.   Sometimes you wonder if it was all worth it…mostly you just feel lonely, unliked and trapped by a character flaw beyond your control. Not quite the end but it’s in sight…

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